I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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