I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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