Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
