it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
