I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
