Ambien. No doubt about it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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