just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
