I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
