Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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