Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
