i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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