So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
