we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
