New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the condom got lost in my hair
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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