so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
