butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
