her vagine was all disorganized.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
