oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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