the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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