my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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