True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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