he thought i was a dude.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Green mimosas i think yes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
