this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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