I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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