the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
