You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
