There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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