Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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