ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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