I feel like abortions should bother me more
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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