no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
