Swine flu. Run for my life!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
