Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
