Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
