i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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