Dual....:-)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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