You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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