fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize