don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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