And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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