I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
