He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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