all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
