Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
