if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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