I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
