ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize