I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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