There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
