shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
