i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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