Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
