You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
