is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
