I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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