No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
