Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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