Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
