my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
