Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
