Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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