Do you still have your period?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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