You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
