Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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