I think I am morally bankrupt
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
