Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
