Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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