24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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