the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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