i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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