Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
