soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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