He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
