on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
