Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
