i wish peter jackson would direct porn
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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