so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
